fussing over mint flavored cigarettes and occassional unfiltered ones, its time i look back.
there i stand three years ago, as jaded as any 18 year old college kid can be, all that mattered was make up, clothes and rich men.
i was on all social party lists, in a city like bombay i had no worries and i thot i am going to be in college forever.
i was studying in one of the best collgs the city could offer, i was going on foreign exchange programs, i was living the high life.
i lost myself so bad, that now when all that has faded away, i cant find the person i wanted to be.
everybody wants to be someone, i was the fat lil black sheep of the family. and then suddenly i was the pretty thing partying nights away with men swooning at my feet, studying in a collg my mother was proud of.
thats all i wanted and i had already lived it.
i look around and i have a cupboard full of cosmetics, rich perfumes, and expensive clothes: skeletons of that life i left.
maybe life would have been different if i had studied in xvrs. but i wanted to see india....i wanted to see bangalore.
maybe somewhere i might have even been inspired to be in journalism.
where did my days of pink floyd and empty dreams go? i dont rem last time i dreamt of something.
when i tell people i dont know what i want to do in life, they tell me to make a list.
but the point is....where is the inspiration? who do i want to become?
am i responsible for this death?
4 comments:
maybe you are, maybe your point of view has become stymied, or maybe you were always unsure about "where is the inspiration? who do i want to become? am i responsible for this death?"
all rite, i'm going to answer your questions on here. my name is ganesh, i'm almost 20, and i'm from trivandrum. i have this habit of visiting random blogs, courtesy www.stumbleupon.com and i chanced by yours. kinda liked it :) i hope that answers your questions...blog more! i haven't quite gotten to reading the older posts, just gimme some time :)
Clichéd as it may seem,I feel the same most of the time..Sometimes,it does feel like we could be responsible for the death of our dreams but if you begin to envision it as a phoenix,you can choose to conceptualize it differently.Like growing up for instance and rising from the ashes of broken dreams through having new dreams and hopes.
Sometimes take a moment off to stand still and try to understand your environment and how you are related to everything around, now, and in future.
When you can feel the insignificance of your short life perhaps then only you will find peace and marvel at the greatness of life.
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