Monday, November 19, 2007
i want to go home. i shall count the days like the prisoner does. i shall keep the voices in my head at bay. i will then go home and hug my mom. and i will cry.
i will watch lazy morning unfolding silently among morning walkers beneath my balcony. and on warm winter afternoons, we shall sit with our back to the sun and my grandma will re tell stories that she has told me a thousands times over. i dont remember a single story.
and then the stormy days. my mom will call from office and tell me to shut all the windows tight. i will. but i will keep one door open for me to peep out.
i dont want this. i dont need this. why didnt i die when i was 10? i never chose to grow up.
they made me.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
but what i discovered is my secret love for my chosen career: journalism. i have dedicated half my blog trying to figure if it is worth it and meant for me. on my four day diwali vacation i realized it is.
i dont travel with blinkers on any longer. i travel with eyes and ears open. i ask questions and seek answers. earlier if i were to visit say the golconda fort, i wuld probably simply complain about the garbage strewn about. but this time, i asked questions. about the pathetic way ASI is renovating it, about the lack of security. i had the power to walk into the ASI office and ask them why are they not doing their job properly.
i went to mecca masjid and realized how vulnerable it still remains. knowing about the history of the bomb blast, what is funny is the metal detectors have been hastily placed and forgotten about. because they havent even been switched on. and people still keep visiting in hundreds leaving the place as naked to death as ever.
lumbini park gave me the creeps. hudrends of people and the smell of death looming in the air. you could see the laser show arena: closed, dark, out of reach yet the footpath goes past it.
yes, they had hiked up the security. all kinds of checking.
funny, my frnd has metal plates in his hand which never beeped. anybody hrd of self detonation?
how unsafe anything and everything is.
how vulnerable we are to our circumstances.
and then, suddenly. no more sunshine, no more rain, wet earth and pink flowers.
Monday, October 29, 2007
r u environmentally conscious? am sure u r. however do u have an AC in your room/office? uh...remember that piece of writing that you crumpled and aimed for the dustbin but fell a feet away. i could go on.
we r all being hypocritical. we sit in AC rooms, and write pages long articles on global warming. and you know what here's a confession.
on a hot day, i want my AC. i want loud music (noise pollution) sometimes i think am so loud myself taht i cause noise pollution.
i like CONSUMING. i like computers and stereos and cell phones and when am rich (if ever) i wuld like to own palm tops and lap tops and well u got the point.
and the amount of clothes i own is not even funny. and am only 21.
i like all that is bad. and then i say i am environmentally conscious.
apparently everythin i eat is hazardous to health....too much of too less of any blah.
everythin i do is hazardous to the environment....
my life has lost its meaning.
unfortunately, there is a bigger problem on hand. i do not...and i mean it...I DO NOT want to die.
dying means i will have to stop thinking, stop consuming...there wont be any waking up to a warm sun or waking up to the sound of rain. there wont be any urban consumption spree. there will be nothing. jus a meaningless void.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
what is a good day?
the day when you spend the perfect saturday evening drowning away your assignments in alcohol and blowing away your parent's money in a pub?
or a day you walk around in muck, catch a rickety bus to cover a 'story idea', and feel all happy that you could catch all the buses to and fro on time.
today was a good sunday. because i got to do just that. walk around in muck. rub shoulders with all and sundry. pray all along the way that i dont get lice from the person sitting next to me. cursing the conductor for not telling me where to get down.
i went all the way to kormangla for my story idea. unfortunately i decided to meet diella at Forum mall.
first, to find her and i had to walk to and fro from one entrance to another, getting my bag checked 3 times. a normal person would go around the mall. but i didnt.
and then i thought of going shopping. but i didnt. i went EATING. everything possible.
(story idea?!! what story idea?)
but it was a good day, coz we caught buses faster than we catch mosquitoes. and we not only got buses all along the way everytime we stopped at a bus stand but we caught a bus that stopped RIGHT INFRONT OF THE HOSTEL. that never happens.
last night, there was a medical emergency in the hostel. i went along in the ambulance with the patient. this was the first time i sat in an ambulance. the lights flashed on the trees and signboards as the vehicle sped along. the ambulance siren echoed. i wasnt even dying but life flashed by. i missed grandma. i still cant believe she is not there any more. i will never meet her again. i imagined the inevitable. my parents dying. i couldnt breathe. i couldnt imagine. one more day closer to death. either mine or a loved one's. its all the same. they are all just another part of me.
"There's a silence surrounding me
I can't seem to think straight
I'll sit in the corner
No one can bother me
Where do we go from here"
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
Hotel IIJNM....(Happy Birthday, Shilpa!!)
On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair.Warm smell of colitas rising up through the air.Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light.My head grew heavy and my sight grew dimI had to stop for the night.
she touches herself in the loo (or so i think coz she spends an awfully long time in the loo) she hates to see people crying coz she gets tongue tied when it comes to consoling people. she looks the cutest when she's upset.
she does all her assignments in time and she spends approximately 10 hours everyday e-mailing. she spends the rest of the day secretly thinking of a special friend. only thinking and missing him. and fidgeting with her cell phone.
she loves food and god. she believes in both.
she has very long eye lashes...which make her squirrel face rather pretty.
she lets you bully her.
she carries a tattered old school bag everywhere she goes. if she had her way she would even carry it to the loo.
she uses toilet paper.
she is the only one who ever bothers to read my blog.
her name is diella and i love her.
Monday, August 6, 2007
“When you look at a city, it's like reading the hopes, aspirations and pride of everyone who built it.”
It rains in Bangalore. Only when you forget to carry your umbrella. And the bus conductor asks for your ticket, just after you tossed it out of the window. Murphy was right all along.
So I had to get off the bus and take a little walk. There it was, the lush green Cubbon Park so famous for everything else but the foliage. According to the tourist brochure, Cubbon Park serves as the lungs of Bangalore as well as a popular tourist destination. Spread over 250 acres, the green park has various attractions such as the rose garden, children's play ground with toy train and several play equipments, the recently opened doll museum and an aquarium. The roads that cut across the lush green land offers an ideal place for joggers and walkers. And the trees and the bushes serve a haven for the Romoes and Juliets of this garden city.
However I have been long poisoned by urbanisation and gardens tend to give me goosebumps. So I headed for something overflowing with power, grandeur and filth: THE VIDHAN SOUDHA.
For a press student to enter the Vidhan Soudha is as difficult as morality entering into a politician’s blood. So I called a friend for somebody said once that today the world runs on contacts. Lo and behold, there I was, having fruit salad with white dhotied MLA’s. To further my excitement, I even got to enter into the assembly which was in session. They asked me to remove everything except my clothes. Sitting hundred metres away from the speaker, I wasn’t allowed to cross my legs out of respect. Nor could I make any noises whether voluntary or involuntary. I had to sneeze so I left after five minutes. The new annexe to the Vidhan Soudha called Vikas Soudha, is traditionally modern. Architecturally traditional and modern from the inside. It houses various public offices like Medical Education, Kannada and Culture, Food and Civil Supplies, Infrastructure, Ministry of Labor,etc It also has a very cheap canteen that serves the yummiest pakoras ever.
Next stop had to be the BMP – Bangalore Mahanagar Palike that is minimum rupees twelve by auto. If he charges more, it means you were taken for a ride (pun intended). So yes I found out that the Garden City has had no Mayor since November 23, 2006, after Ms Mumtaz. Now, the Administrator has been the acting Mayor.
The Members of the Legislature and the Members of the Parliament elect the Mayor annually through a general BMP election procedure. The Mayor is the candidate of the majority party, and is selected, generally, unopposed. Wondering why nobody wants to the Mayor of such a beautiful city, I ambled on for it was time to go to the Slum Clearance Board Office, which is in Church Street. This time I decided to rely on my sense of geography and walk it down. And yes, it was quite a distance. An autorickshaw ride was inevitable.
Bangalore city has more than 200 slums. Between 2002 and 2006, the HUDCO has spent Rs 170 crore on the slums. 4600 to 5000 houses are to be completed by October. The slums house immigrants from North Karnataka, Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh and Rajasthan. The largest slum in Bangalore is Lakshmananagar. Slum-free Bangalore: the target is to construct 34, 538 houses at a cost of 173 crores. Funding comes from the Jawaharlal Nehru Urban Renewal Mission, and would be 5,150 m long.
After all this, I had to go to the Electricity Office officially called BESCOM – Bangalore Electricity Supply Company Ltd, and had to meet the Electrician officially called something I don’t remember. He told me something about safety policies that my mother has been telling me from the time I was five. The Company suggested steps like not touching snapped wires, not climbing electric poles, not to operate electrical switches and equipment with wet hands, and not tying animals to electric poles. It also advised people to take extra care during monsoon. I took a coffee break after this and watched pigeons answering natures’ call.
I then went and met the Executive Engineer of BWSSB (BANGALORE WATER SUPPLY AND SEWAGE BOARD). He said that there is no problem regarding water supply. But the reality I leave to the water purifier manfucturers. Do their “Aquaguards” sell?
At the BDA I had TC Kathayani tell me to research the net on BDA since she was very busy. Looks like the BDA has gone online.
After all the ‘beauracrazy’ I made my way to the Assistant Commissioner of Police, Sheshadripuram, who was not available. Wonder what or whom he was fighting during office hours.
Mr. Ramachandran is the inspector of the all-women’s police station (pun intended) located in Sheshadripuram. In the month of June 2007, 30 women walked in with complaints relating to dowry, sexual harassment and matrimonial problems. Cases are generally solved.
Bangalore seems to have more vehicles than Homo sapiens and so I set about to enquire about the parking system in the city. The city cannot manage multi-level parking because the number of vehicles has increased drastically from 3 lakhs in 1984 to about 30 lakhs presently. There were 3390 accidents May 2007, of which 352 were fatal. Hosur and Old-Madras roads are the most-accident prone areas. I can’t afford a car but I decided to be more careful while crossing roads after this.
Then to see something I will never be able to afford, I went to do a story on the Golf Course. Like the people who play, the facts that confronted me were also rather boring. They use ‘treated recycled water’ (almost the same stuff cold drinks are made of) and refuse to divulge any more information. Around 8 lakh liters of water is used per day. Hadn’t the BWSSB said there is an acute shortage of water?
This entire assignment was food for thought. And it left my stomach hungry and dry. Avoided all national food chains and headed for bisibelabhaat and filter coffee; the kannada way.